Every December, I find myself reflecting on my past. The good, the bad, and the down right ugly. In many of my prior years, the bad moments tend to be the ones that my mind gravitates toward, and I noticed that my inner monolauge beats myself up for all of my failures. All of my failed accomplishments, my less than stellar moments as a wife and mother, and all of the times that I could have worked harder as a friend. I am the most crtical of myself at the end of the year as I sit and think of each moment where I could have done better.
I could have been better.
But this year is different. This year, as I look back at 2019, I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am not a different person than I was in prior years, but I have learned something important in the last year that makes this reflection much different than in years past.
I have learned to be less critical of myself. I have learned to treat myself with the same compassion that I treat others with. I have learned to love myself for who I am, and to focus on the good things in my life, and the good I have done in the last year rather than the lack of accomplishment.
In the last year, I started this blog. Has it been perfect? Absolutely not. But just last week, I reached 50 followers on WordPress, and another 80 on Facebook. To some people that’s not a big deal, but for me I am going to celebrate that accomplishment. It means that more people than just my Momma are reading what I write.
In 2019, my family was the local Ambassador Family for the March of Dimes. I was able to share the story of my sons life and death, and bring awareness to what it means to carry a child with a terminal diagnosis. I shared our story of preterm labor, infant loss, and experience of having a baby in the NICU. This opportunity connected me with so many amazing people, and even brought me the opportunity of being asked to speak on a podcast. (You can listed to it here).
I have met some amazing new friends, spent time with old friends, traveled with my family, watched my children grow and learn, witness my husband become a runner and continue to beat his own personal record, and have found new ways to seek positivity and growth in my daily life.
I have read numerous cheesy romance novels, and a few profound personal growth books. I have snuggled my kids during Friday night movie nights on the couch, and snuck in a few date nights with my husband. I splurged on a girls trip this summer to visit a friend I don’t get to see nearly enough. We got to spend a week in Disney World with our kids, making memories that will last a lifetime. We went camping as many weekends as possible throughout the summer, and watched our kids make memories with their cousin.
In life, there will always be areas in which we can improve. Every day we have an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to be a better version of ourselves. That’s the amazing thing about life. It is ever evolving. We are never stuck in the same mold. We are in charge of who we become, and how we live the life we have been given.
My resolution for 2020 is to continue to grow. It is to try new things, and to be a better version of myself than I was in 2019. I want to always be learning, and growing, and taking on new challenges. I want to help others, and keep my sons name alive by continuing on my mission of sharing his story. I want to be passionate in life, and have experiences, and make memories.
I hope that as you reflect on 2019 that you are compassionate with yourself, and happy with what you have accomplished.
I hope you have grandoise resolutions for 2020, and set your sights high on who you can become.