Funny, Goals, Motivational, self Care

Sweat Pants

When I got home from the gym tonight, I found myself searching Google for an answer I never thought I would need in my lifetime.

It was one of those moments similar to “the things I never thought I would say as a parent”. (Of which I could also write a book about).

“Can you please stop eating with your hands? That’s not what I meant! Fine- just head with your hands! With a fork!”

Thank the good Lord that there were not very many people at the gym tonight. I was a bit reluctant to go after work, as the last couple of times I went it was packed, and I got stuck with the treadmill by the door that I couldn’t figure out how to work. Nothing beats being the slow girl walking at a pace of 0.0005 because her heart rate is too high for the stupid machine to let her move. Tonight though it was just me and the three interesting fellas that lift weights in their jeans and polo shirts (which I am not judging- just wait until you finish this post- I will never again judge anyone for their attire at the gym).

It was the second day in a row that I was trying a new workout app, and doing some interval running sessions to try and slowly increase my speed and stamina. I was fairly certain that by the end I would either: A- Fly off the darn treadmill because my tiny legs physically can’t move that fast, or B- Fly off the treadmill because I’m clumsy and tripped over my feet. Luckily neither of those things happened! I kicked butt, and finished my session today extremely proud of myself for sticking to my goals and finishing it without taking any shortcuts.

Unfortunately, when I got to the locker room to change and head home, I realized that I had been sweating in some very inconvenient places.

The one day I wear gray workout capris, I sweat so much that it looks like I peed my pants.

Now I don’t know if this is a normal problem for folks that exercise regularly, but it’s not normal for me. Mainly because I’ve never worked out to the extent that I produced that much, if any, sweat. I traditionally have been more of a yoga, stretching, sitting on the couch kinda girl. But today I realized- this may be a problem.

A million thoughts started running through my head.

Should I call my doctor? Is it normal to sweat that much? Why did I never notice this before? Did anyone notice? How do I stop it? Should I just never run again?

Sweet baby Jesus, I was losing it!! All of a sudden, as I was changing back into clean (dry) clothes, it hit me. I am a 35 year old mother of two, that has no idea what she’s doing.

And then I started laughing so hard at myself that I just about fell off the bench. I am a mess. A sweaty hot mess, that certainly did not bring sexy back during that run like the instructor said. I just brought my sweaty ass to the gym.

And then when the tears stopped, and I started breathing normally again, I realized that it doesn’t matter. Who cares? Do I really care what anyone at that gym thinks of me? I already farted in yoga class. What’s the big deal if I sweat so much that it looks like I peed my pants?

And then, I went home, and turned to Google for my answer.

“What color pants don’t show crotch sweat”

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